So Much to Learn...

I have officially been home for ten days now since graduation, and it has been incredibly wonderful and awful at the same time. Learning to be still is SO freakin' difficult for me, since I've spent the past year constantly go go go. Now that I'm not working 3 jobs 7 days a week, or student teaching or supervising, or even leading a girls' discipleship group and planning one-on-ones with them, I don't know how to function! There is now exactly 40 days until I leave for New Zealand, and I feel unprepared.

Some of the wonderful things I've been blessed with so far are simple pleasures like sleeping in, spending time with friends and family, watching tv for once, and getting to read (Yay!!! Yes, I am a proud nerd that loves to read.) I've already finished 2 books, and am working my way through two more. I'm going back and forth between fun books and spiritually enriching books to help prepare me for sharing the Gospel overseas, such as Matt Chandler's To Live is Christ, To Die is Gain, Timothy Keller's The Reason for God, (which our whole team is reading together), C. S. Lewis' Mere Christianity, The Abolition of Man, The Problem of Pain, and The Screwtape Letters, and John Piper's Let the Nations Be Glad. Hopefully, I will get through most of, if not all of, these books, but that's another reason why God has been so good to allow me this time to catch up on reading.

God has also been so good to get me to 100% on raising support!!! That's right, people, I'm fully funded thanks to many of you and, of course, the big man upstairs. I actually raised OVER my original goal, so that I can help our team out in the long run, and that is a huge blessing that I'm grateful to help with.

The only downside is not having my future "planned out" for when I come back from 6 weeks in NZ. I know that I should trust in God, but faith is a mental muscle that needs exercised regularly to keep it strong. It comes and goes in waves whether I should panic over the future or hand it over to God. But, He has really encouraged me today with some scripture that is incredibly sweet.

That according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.-Ephesians 3:16-21.

He also slammed me with the short but, oh so simple, verse of truth. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.-Philippians 4:4. Right now, even though this in-between stage is difficult and frustrating, I should still praise Him, because there is so much to praise Him for. Plus, what would I have if not Him that I know takes care of me? Why should I freak out when I've got the biggest player possible in my corner? I need to chill out and trust Him, dang it. Easier said than done, of course, but for right now, this is the encouragement I need to get me through until my next sinful panic attack. I just needed to process all of this, so if you read it, thanks so much! Hope it helps you like it definitely did for me!

His Always

Why the Heck am I Doing This??

Let me start by saying that I am not an open person, at least not open to the public. I open up to very close people about what I am actually thinking, but to everyone else, I keep deeper thoughts to myself. So, the idea of throwing back the curtains and revealing even the smallest pieces of honesty for anyone and everyone to see frightens me immensely. I feel naked and vulnerable, and I'm not even talking about sharing my deepest, darkest secrets on here. The purpose of this blog is understand what God is doing in my life.


I am very bad about sitting down and processing everything going on. I tend to go go go and crash in bed each night without thanking God for all that's happened that day. Before I know it, I've forgotten how good He has been to me and I miss out on truly appreciating His blessings and praising Him for it. I even debated making a blog to begin with. I have a prayer journal to write my thoughts down, so why can't that be enough? I don't have to share what Christ is doing in my life and in my heart, because who would want to know anyway? I'm not an attention seeker. I don't care about winning people's approval. In fact, it is because I don't want to be that people pleaser that I didn't want to make a blog and publish my thoughts. But, part of being a Christian is sharing what Christ is doing with me, and I need to step outside my comfort zone (and this is DEFINITELY outside my comfort zone.)


Having a blog that people can read makes me accountable to actually sit down and praise God for all that He is and is doing. And, surprisingly enough, there are people that want to know about my walk with Christ. I've learned in my 6 years of being a Christian that Christians are encouraged and spurred on towards Christ by other Christians. It's so exciting to see how Christ is growing, molding, and challenging someone, and seeing them have faith that He's not done with them yet. I love hearing about people's ministries and how God is moving through them and furthering His kingdom. And since I myself am joining a beautiful young ministry sharing the Gospel in New Zealand this summer, there are people that have already asked for updates when we go over there. This blog is for those sweet people that want news (thank you by the way!) and I need to keep my word to them.


I want to glorify God for who He is. I want to update people on how God is working. I want to process all that He is doing. And, I have a passionate love for beautifully expressed words vividly painted to capture the mind's affections, so that is why I chose the blog route. A sweet friend of mine is currently in New Zealand for a year of ministry, and she has a blog that is wonderful to read (and lovely written!). Also, my high school English teacher, who influenced me to pursue the same career, just started her own blog while I was considering the same thing, and she expressed her need for a creative outlet in this time where God is stirring and preparing her heart for some new stage He has planned. I've joked with both these godly women that they are worth imitating, so writing a blog as well seemed ironically appropriate.


I absolutely love C. S. Lewis and his works. He has such faith in all that Christ is, and he is so intelligent, that he uses logic that you cannot counter. I admire his writing and thinking abilities, so I probably will quote him a lot. I read his work Mere Christianity, which I highly recommend reading whether you're a Christian or not. In it he said:


"[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you."


I'm genuinely terrified of actually posting this blog, but I need to trust in God and remember why I'm doing this, instead of fearing people reading it. If you did take the time to read this, I appreciate it greatly, and I'm sorry if my thoughts are jumbled, random, or go on a tangent. That's exactly why I need to write it down. I'm concerned about the unknown future God has in store, but I need to step out in faith....ah!