Why the Heck am I Doing This??

Let me start by saying that I am not an open person, at least not open to the public. I open up to very close people about what I am actually thinking, but to everyone else, I keep deeper thoughts to myself. So, the idea of throwing back the curtains and revealing even the smallest pieces of honesty for anyone and everyone to see frightens me immensely. I feel naked and vulnerable, and I'm not even talking about sharing my deepest, darkest secrets on here. The purpose of this blog is understand what God is doing in my life.


I am very bad about sitting down and processing everything going on. I tend to go go go and crash in bed each night without thanking God for all that's happened that day. Before I know it, I've forgotten how good He has been to me and I miss out on truly appreciating His blessings and praising Him for it. I even debated making a blog to begin with. I have a prayer journal to write my thoughts down, so why can't that be enough? I don't have to share what Christ is doing in my life and in my heart, because who would want to know anyway? I'm not an attention seeker. I don't care about winning people's approval. In fact, it is because I don't want to be that people pleaser that I didn't want to make a blog and publish my thoughts. But, part of being a Christian is sharing what Christ is doing with me, and I need to step outside my comfort zone (and this is DEFINITELY outside my comfort zone.)


Having a blog that people can read makes me accountable to actually sit down and praise God for all that He is and is doing. And, surprisingly enough, there are people that want to know about my walk with Christ. I've learned in my 6 years of being a Christian that Christians are encouraged and spurred on towards Christ by other Christians. It's so exciting to see how Christ is growing, molding, and challenging someone, and seeing them have faith that He's not done with them yet. I love hearing about people's ministries and how God is moving through them and furthering His kingdom. And since I myself am joining a beautiful young ministry sharing the Gospel in New Zealand this summer, there are people that have already asked for updates when we go over there. This blog is for those sweet people that want news (thank you by the way!) and I need to keep my word to them.


I want to glorify God for who He is. I want to update people on how God is working. I want to process all that He is doing. And, I have a passionate love for beautifully expressed words vividly painted to capture the mind's affections, so that is why I chose the blog route. A sweet friend of mine is currently in New Zealand for a year of ministry, and she has a blog that is wonderful to read (and lovely written!). Also, my high school English teacher, who influenced me to pursue the same career, just started her own blog while I was considering the same thing, and she expressed her need for a creative outlet in this time where God is stirring and preparing her heart for some new stage He has planned. I've joked with both these godly women that they are worth imitating, so writing a blog as well seemed ironically appropriate.


I absolutely love C. S. Lewis and his works. He has such faith in all that Christ is, and he is so intelligent, that he uses logic that you cannot counter. I admire his writing and thinking abilities, so I probably will quote him a lot. I read his work Mere Christianity, which I highly recommend reading whether you're a Christian or not. In it he said:


"[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you."


I'm genuinely terrified of actually posting this blog, but I need to trust in God and remember why I'm doing this, instead of fearing people reading it. If you did take the time to read this, I appreciate it greatly, and I'm sorry if my thoughts are jumbled, random, or go on a tangent. That's exactly why I need to write it down. I'm concerned about the unknown future God has in store, but I need to step out in faith....ah!